Together, always
by ConanKudo
Summary: A horrifying truth pushed Edogawa into his last call with Ran. Heartbreaking, but he still must control himself and accept the reality...
1. Prequel

Together Always - Prequel -ConanKudo-  
  
  
  
"Edogawa Conan, come forward please. here.ah.exactly 100 centimeters. next. let's see. Haibara Ai. 108 centimeters. Next." The PE teacher said in a monotonous tone.  
  
Another height and weight check up day. Conan thought. He hated those days, even in his real childhood, since he's usually the lightest and shortest one in class. 100 centimeters? B-but. Last month I checked I was. A thought rushed through his mind. and Haibara's, 108centimeters, only? How's that possible?  
  
He had expected to be short, but he'd never prepared for this kind of the situation. He went to the teacher, and asked respectively.  
  
"Sumimasen, sensei, but are you sure I'm only 100 centimeters tall?" His round face with a glasses covering up his true identity, blushed slightly as some students glanced at him with an expression of "you-are-only-that- tall?"  
  
The teacher checked the pile of paper in his hands again, turned to him and smiled, "Yes, Edogawa-kun right? Don't worry, children like you grow really fast!"  
  
"Oh.thank you." Conan swallowed, trying to persuade his brain into accepting the truth. Two words popped up in his mind, making him shudder slightly. Though much has happened in the past year, and most of them he could never imagine of in his dreams had become reality, but those two words weren't on that list.  
  
Oh God. What if they are true? What's going on? While confusion puzzled him, Haibara walked by and whispered to him as she slowed down. "Quit that look, a detective like you shouldn't be giving away that much of his emotions. Meet me at Agasa's after school, we've got to discuss."  
  
Conan blinked at Haibara's quick but meaningful speech, before his brain could react, words jumped out of his mouth automatically, "sure."  
  
The day seemed much longer than usual. To Conan, it almost seems impossible for the boring school day to end. But when it did, he wasn't sure whether he's ready for the" discussion" with Haibara or not. Whatever it was going to be, he knew, it wasn't going to be good news.  
  
The school bell rang with explosive kids cheering, as each classroom door swung open and kids anxiously burst out, running through the hall and headed straight home or the playground. Conan, already mature, knew he really shouldn't run with the kids.  
  
Walking at a steady pace with his heavier than usual backpack behind him, it was as if all his stress had been packed inside it. The sun moved behinds the mountains, clouds flew high overhead, a gentle breeze swayed through his hair and brushed against his round cheeks.  
  
With infinite amount of questions in his mind and preparing for the up coming event, he went on and on. His shadow abruptly faded away at the corner of the street.  
  
Not even realizing that he was doing it, his lips kept on muttering two words, the same words that his mind had flashed earlier.  
  
"I shrunk." 


	2. Together Always

Introduction  
  
  
  
Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu.As Conan always said, there's always only one truth. As many of you probably know what I'm going to say next, or are already bored of this sentence, but I'm still required to say it, so, Detective Conan belongs to Aoyama Gosho, the creator of Meitantei Konan, I only claim copyright to my plot. In addition, "Secret Of My Heart" English lyrics belong to its rightful, legal owner. Standardized disclaimer applies.  
  
A message to all readers: This story is about what if Detective Conan consequence story. It is not guaranteed a hundred percent joyful ending, so please do not email me and complain, because you are already warned. I'm not taking any responsibilities except for any spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes in this fiction. (ConanKudo pulls all her editors in front of her.*to catch the eggs flying towards her.)  
  
Oh, I would also highly recommend you to open up "Secret of My Heart" MIDI file as you read this chapter, story, or whatever you want to call it.  
  
All right! Let's move on to the story.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Together, Always (Itsumo Issho Ni)  
  
-ConanKudo-  
  
  
  
As the dim moonlight shone through the transparent glass of the phone booth, a shadow of the seven years old boy appeared.  
  
He stood still, hands against the icy cold glass. The December breeze brushed past the phone booth, the trees around him swaying to the wind. However, his expression wasn't a child one, it was so perplexed, grieved and complicated.  
  
The glass began to blur as he breathed hot air onto it, his glasses too. Why did he need those glasses anyway? Just because if he hadn't, his childhood body could put his life in jeopardy? Living under a fake identity, a fake body, though it was once his, but that was a long time ago, memories that he did not want to remember or replay.  
  
For a detective, it was torture. He had changed his whole life just to survive.  
  
The building in front of the phone booth still had its lights on. Three words clearly shown beneath the brightness, "Mouri's Detective Agency"... (7 words if in Japanese original)  
  
It had been his home for the past whole year. All thanks to Ran's kindness and generous, he was lucky enough to have a place to live and someone to take care of him.  
  
Life is all just a game, since nobody can get out alive; the term "game over" refers to everyone. But why, did destiny torture me so? Although I know I shouldn't blame this on Haibara or my fate, but. It's so. unfair.  
  
He had never believed in ghosts, but now, he wished that magic existed. He wanted to rewind the time. If only. Then he wouldn't have to suffer in this pain.  
  
Today, he'd realized that all these times, he had hidden his identity and secret for nothing. His desire for the antidote had been nothing but a wild dream.  
  
Poor Ran. She waited and waited for me. Now I'm expecting her to know that I. The boy removed his glasses and placed it in his backpack. What was the point of wearing it when no one around could possibly discover his identity? Even if they did figure it out, what difference would it make?  
  
There were no stars in the night sky tonight, clouds gathered and snowflakes began to fall after winter breeze. It was, after all, late winter. Spring will arrive soon, but this year, it was going to be different. He knew, it was going to be a hard year, even harder than last.  
  
"Ring.Ring.Ring." The little boy with a red bowtie held it out in front of his mouth waiting. Why did you do that Kudo Shinichi? .Why?  
  
It's not Haibara's fault, Kudo, it's your own fault. Your own fault! If you hadn't followed that man that night, if only! Yes curiosity will nag you if you didn't follow, but what about the consequences?  
  
"Moshi moshi, Mouri desu." A young girl's voice answered.  
  
Though I don't want to hurt you, but I'm doing this for our good. I'd rather carve a wound in you today than on the long run. At least, this way, you'll know.  
  
Water gathered in his ocean blue eyes, his voice was forced. "Hi Ran." His voice cracked.  
  
She didn't reply. That's odd. Why doesn't she yell at me? I was expecting to hear her scream and complaints.  
  
Instead, there was a quiet sound, which told Shinichi that Ran was quietly sobbing. She was heartbroken.  
  
I owe you so much Ran. How can I ever repay you?  
  
*****  
  
After school, Conan headed towards Agasa's house, just as Haibara had asked him to; taking deep breathes, and attempting to calm him down with the thought of "nothing is going to happen."  
  
The moment he was about to push open the door, someone opened it for him; A girl his age. Reddish hair flashed in front of his eyes. Ai stood at the doorway with a serious expression.  
  
"Um." Conan hesitated.  
  
As she led him to her lab, where Agasa awaits them Ai said. "Calm down, it's not like you are going to die in a minute!" At least, I said not in a minute. Ai bit her lip slightly. I'm sorry Kudo. I would give anything to make this up to you and Ran.  
  
"What is that that you." He asked anxiously, but was cut off by the girl.  
  
She sighed, "Patience."  
  
"But." Before he could begin again, Haibara was already out of sight. A strange feeling ran through his whole body.  
  
Agasa was already sitting in a chair in the laboratory, reading a pile of paper Ai gave him earlier. His expression was indescribable; sadness, rage and sympathy filled his face.  
  
Conan sat on a chair next to him. For once, it wasn't comfortable to be here.  
  
Ai walked to the kitchen, taking her time to make everyone some tea, and returned ten minutes later with three cups in her hand.  
  
"So what is it?" Conan tried not to show his impatience.  
  
Ai blew slowly on the steaming hot tea, took a tiny sip out of it, and eventually replied. "It's about APTX-4869."  
  
"You found an antidote?" Conan couldn't resist grinning, hoping to hear a positive answer.  
  
"Would I even be here drinking tea if I did?" Ai tried to let out a laugh, even if it was a bitter one. "But that would be a good topic to begin our conversation."  
  
"Get to the point!" Conan said irritated.  
  
Ai held the cup in hers with both hands, gazing into the tea for a moment, looking at her own reflection. "Alright."  
  
"I'm sure you noticed it too. Unlike other children, our height is decreasing. As I've told you before, APTX means apotoxin. Once we take the drug, though we may have not died instantly like other victims, the drug still took effect. You may consider it as just making you shrink, it's more complicated."  
  
After another sip of tea, she went on, "true the main effect of APTX-4869 is forcing your body back to its childhood form, but unfortunately that's only part of it."  
  
Conan, or rather, Shinichi put down his cup and questioned, "Uh. What exactly do you mean by. 'Part of it?'"  
  
Ai ignored his demand and continued, "Once your cell has made contact with APTX-4869, there is no way it can resist its chemical influence. Apotoxin was supposed to induce its own reaction and increase and accelerate the cell's reproduce ability. However, if a strand of DNA mutates or doesn't function properly, the results will change as well. "  
  
"Our case is typical. To my prediction, no, the truth is, the first phase that we experienced was, of course, the shrinking. The second one, which we've been experiencing the moment after we shrunk, should really be the main part. Though the first one was more painful, the one we are living on right now can be your worst nightmare. If you don't mind me saying so, I think I succeed after all."  
  
"Our cells, which have had contact with APTX-4869, continued their cell cycle, or rather, they continued to spread the poison in your body. Just like cancer, they are spread throughout your body now, destroying all the healthy cells and reproducing ones with poison."  
  
Professor Agasa and Conan just stared. Their eyes widened as Ai's voice kept on echoing in their mind. Mouth dropped open, and none of them made a sound.  
  
"Perhaps there is no more point for me to finish this speech, but I'd rather do. The poisons inside our body are taking away our lives slowly. They are finishing off the task they are supposed to function the moment I invented them. But since they are all over your body, the process is taking quite a long time. Soon, you will realize that you won't even be able to reach the doorknob, or be to have the energy to stand up. But when that happens, our life will reach its end."  
  
She laughed bitterly, playing with the cup in her hands as she continued. "If I had known this when I drank it, and had a choice between instant death or this kind of torture, my answer would definitely be instant death. Kudo, maybe you can't feel any pain now, but pretty soon, you will be as weak as ever, and the pain will feel like thousands and millions of bugs biting you and your body stung by numerous needles."  
  
"When our body reaches its highest point of supporting the whole body, I'll finally be able to meet my beloved sister again." She finished, taking another sip out of her cup.  
  
Perhaps silence was the best choice to continue their conversation.  
  
Only perhaps.  
  
Conan sat still, as still as a dead body. His face was pale with terror, he did not even know if he'll ever be calm enough to say a single word for the rest of his life.  
  
After facing so much in the past year, Conan had once thought that after this incident, his life would be as peaceful as he wanted it to be and his wishes could finally become reality.  
  
Kami. Please tell me I'm dreaming! Conan felt his heart skipping a beat. and yet another. Rather than forcing himself into accepting the truth, he'd prefer to just sit there, let time pass by, and wait for the moment when his logic can eventually led him to somewhere.  
  
To be honest, he did not really want that to happen. Instead of facing the horrors that lies in front of him, letting time pass by was much, much better. He did not know what he would do once his brain react to the truth.  
  
  
  
Only one consequence came to mind.  
  
Insanity.  
  
The clock upon the wall continued its melody. The bird within popped out of the clock as the chime automatically began, reminding the others that time was still passing by.  
  
Tick. There was still silence in the house.  
  
Tock. With carelessness, the wind breezed in through the open window, caressing Conan's face as well as his aching head and half broken heart.  
  
Tick. Shinichi, who did nothing but sitting there, finally fully understood the meaning of "life" and "torture."  
  
Tock. Dark gray clouds gathered, thunder roared over their roof, lightning lit up their town.  
  
Tick. All three's eyes widened as the phone suddenly rang, with the news already sinking in their mind, no one moved an inch.  
  
Tock. Raindrops began to fall, tipping on their window frame, and Shinichi's heart.  
  
Tick. As Agasa finally picked up the phone; the voice of an anxious girl went into his ear.  
  
Tock. The sun was completely out of sight, leaving nothing but the dark clouds on the starless sky.  
  
Tick. It was no use; even the usual curiosity of his inner mind didn't react to the call. At the moment how to face the world was the only thing his mind was concerned.  
  
"Oh, I'll tell him the as soon as I see him. Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine. Yes. Alright, now don't get too worried.Ok, bye." He hung up, sighing once more.  
  
From birth Agasa watched Shinichi grow up; there were no secrets between them. The relationship between them was more like grandparent and grandson rather than distant relative. No doubt Shinichi trusted him, and chose him to be the first one to know his secrets. They had shared advice and ideas, but today, this situation was not something that other people could solve. For it wasn't only the drug that was taking away his life, but something else. even worse.  
  
"Um. Shinichi-kun." Agasa started uncomfortably, considering the best choice of words. "Ran-chan just called and."  
  
Eventually, Conan lowered his head slightly, hands interlaced together, and attempting his hardest to keep his voice cool. "And she wants me, Edogawa Conan, back to that agency, so daro?"  
  
Still frowning, Agasa nodded. "I'll tell her you are staying here for the night, so you'll have more time to think." He suggested.  
  
Conan stared at his feet. They're so small and pudgy. Though adults usually consider it as "cute," but that wasn't the way he wanted it to be. He wanted to be his original self. The self that he had lived seventeen years for.  
  
Funny. his foot seems lot smaller in that slipper than usual.  
  
Odd. Why couldn't his unmatched logic come up with something at this moment? Complicated situation and cases were always his advantage, but yet his weakness.  
  
He simply shook his head, and said in response, "No. I don't want to think. I don't need to think."  
  
"B-but."  
  
"Just tell her I'll be back in half an hour." He said Stoically.  
  
Agasa wanted to say something else, but knowing Shinichi too well, he agreed instead. "If you insist."  
  
Ai, followed Conan to the open window and watched him gaze out into the encircling snowflake, "It's about time."  
  
"Huh?" Though he didn't really want to know what she's talking about, the word still sounded aloud. Hmm. About time, ne?  
  
Ai was kept silent until Agasa finally realized what message she was trying to hint. "I'll go to the laboratory to call Ran-chan then."  
  
When the two of them were finally left in the room alone, Ai picked up the flower in the vast next to her and caressed it with her hand, barely touching the petals.  
  
"We can be both God and the devil. Since we are trying to raise the dead against the stream of time." She murmured to the flower under her breath.  
  
Conan turned to her, eyes shone with however and puzzlement. "What?"  
  
"Nothing." She raised her head and looked at the tangent between the wall and ceiling as if she had just found out how interesting the pattern was upon it.  
  
"You'd better go now. You know what Ran always does when she's worried about someone." She said while putting the flower back.  
  
Conan put his eyebrow together, "That's all you want to tell me?"  
  
"Except for you better watch your steps from now on. Also, remember that though your life is very limited, don't be too selfish, and consider her safety before you tell. As your mind is probably one of the easiest one to read, not only your life is in your hand, both of your, and even more are."  
  
She walked past him, and closed the window behind him.  
  
"What are you planning to do after today? I mean. well." He finally asked.  
  
Her mouth dropped open, and closed, making an audible sound. She didn't expect him to ask her a question like that. "No plans, just going to attempt my best to find a cure, I guess. There is nothing else left for me to do in this world except for that." She said dryly.  
  
"H-Haibara." He tried to say something, but once again failed. A person who needed other's comfort cannot do what he needs to others. The only result would be hurt them deeper if he even tried.  
  
"Look, I am really sorry about this, and hopefully this letter will improve your mood a little." She handed a piece of paper to Conan, "read it when you are alone."  
  
He briefly nodded, the only thing he could think of. Leaving his imagination wonder about the note, he then stood there stilly, once again went silent.  
  
After a long time silence between them, Ai finally stated, "I'd say it's really time for you to leave. Farewell, Edogawa." She said coldly.  
  
Without another word, he left the house.  
  
When he was outside, snow was already inches deep. Somehow, he couldn't feel the cold temperature from it. Perhaps the wound in his inner soul was all his nerve system could handle now.  
  
Carefully, he unfolded the letter Ai had given him before he left. A paper full of the most accurate and neatly written hiragana appeared.  
  
Kudo,  
  
When you are reading this letter, I won't be in professor Agasa's house anymore. Don't take me wrong, I'm not mad at any you in any way, and here, I will understand if you are still blaming me for what happened. I do admit it is my fault. The only motive I held for the sudden leaving is to find the Organization's current whereabouts and turn them in to the police. Surely I will, too, be turned in as well for what I've done. Since there's only death for me left, I'm sure you will understand why I chose justice before I died.  
  
My stories have been told, perhaps they are too hard for you to handle at once, but they are the truth. After living for eighteen years, I've finally realized how life is. And I'm very sorry for what happened to you a year ago. If there's anyway I can make it up to you two, anything I will do.  
  
Telling her about your past or not, it is completely up to you. Though I've already given my personal advise, this decision is still up to you. However, for the first time, I beg you to consider this before any immutable mistakes are made.  
  
Lastly, please give Ran my best wishes, and of course, to you. Sorry for all the trouble I caused in this past year.  
  
Good-bye, Kudo Shinichi.  
  
Haibara Ai  
  
  
  
  
  
"A-Ai.you." He found himself staring at the paper, eyes widening as he read it once more. Instead of an outburst, Conan carefully put the letter back to his backpack, and walked on. Wondering what decision he's going to make between several choices.  
  
Tell her, or not.  
  
Call her and tell her the truth, or not?  
  
Find Ai, or not.  
  
What to do next?  
  
Was there anyway to solve this problem without hurting anyone? Impossible.  
  
  
  
But there's got to be something, something to do, only if he could think straight.  
  
Unaware that he was entering the Mouri's detective agency, that complicated expression was still upon his face.  
  
"Conan-kun! Were have you been? I've been worried-sick about you!" And there she was, standing in front of Conan with hands on her hips. She leaned forward and questioned him with an irritated tone.  
  
Wonderful. Just great. He groaned. I completely forgot about her, from Conan's point of view. I can't stay here anymore. Not if she's going to notice me shrinking everyday. Think. think of something.  
  
But first.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? Kids wandering out in the street after sunset are dangerous! Besides, you are only seven years old!" He could almost see fire burning inside the deep ocean of her eyes.  
  
Inhaling as much oxygen as he could without letting the one before him notice, and replied back in a voice as calm as he could possibly manage, "S- sorry, Ran." He gulped.  
  
Ran waited for a moment, then frowned, "Uh-un, Conan-kun. I told you many times already, you should always add a respectful tag after an elder's name. The way you just called me was impolite!" Her finger waved sideways in front of his eyes.  
  
"Sorry, Ran." Then he quickly added, "Ran-neechan."  
  
Ran straightened her body, and erased the angry expression on her face. "That's better. Now while you do your homework, I'll cook the dinner, if you have any questions, just come into the kitchen and ask me. Oh yeah, don't be too loud, dad is still sleeping, got it, Conan-kun?" She said in a voice that almost sounded like a command.  
  
He was speechless after her words, a little nod and an audible gulp was the last thing Ran saw before she walked towards the kitchen.  
  
Dinner was simple and brief. Hardly anybody spoke at all. Kogoro still had a hangover after drinking the first thing in the morning. His hair was tangled and almost like a bun on top of his head. Obviously unshaved. The black dots around his mouth moved up and down in a rhythm as his teeth worked their purpose.  
  
The little boy moved his sight to the taller girl on the other side of him; the fork in hers picked up the food in the plate before her, and then let it slip down the steel again. The meatball was rolled from side to side. Ran rested her head in her free hand, chewed the food in her mouth soundlessly.  
  
Well. I guess I've come up with the best excuse. so. He inhaled some air with the mixture of the delicious scent of their dinner, gathering all the courage he needed and began, "Ran-neechan, Kogoro-san."  
  
The mid-aged man shot him a glimpse that looked annoyed. "What?" He asked impatiently, giving others the idea of he did not want to hear the next line at all.  
  
"Oh come on dad! You can't release your anger of losing every game of mahjong last night on Conan-kun! He's just a little boy!" Then she smiled sweetly at Conan. "Go ahead Conan-kun, what is it?"  
  
"Well." His fingers played with the fork, trying his best not to show any nervousness. "My mom called me from America today."  
  
Ran's eyes widened with surprise. "Really? That's great! You finally made contact with your parents!"  
  
He feigned a little smile; acting as if he was happy was well. "She told me she will be waiting for me at the airport tonight at eleven o'clock. She couldn't come here to pick me up because.um. there's not enough time. " He paused for a while. "Mom and Dad really wants me to go to America because.um.they need me there for something, so.um." He waited silently for the twos' response, and considered the next line of his crooked lie. Thank goodness they know absolutely nothing about the airport schedules, or else they would've known there are no flights to America at 11:00PM.  
  
Ran's expression froze for a moment. "Y-you mean."  
  
"Yes." He nodded. "I have to leave." Biting his lips to let pain substitute the feeling of tears rising upon his eyes, he looked away to avoid Ran's eyes.  
  
There was silence, even Kogoro stopped what he was doing and looked at Conan.  
  
Ran looks so. shocked. Oh. I knew I shouldn't have chosen that excuse. His mind whirled; infinite thoughts crossed his brain at the same time. He slightly shook all of them off. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try to make everything better, since there's no way to take back what I've said.  
  
"Then, I'll pack everything up for you. After all, you've lived here for about a year, and there's plenty things we should prepare for before you leave." Ran put down the fork and headed down the hallway, into Conan's room.  
  
When Conan caught up with her, she was already in his room, a suitcase lay on his bed and she carefully folded his clothes into it. Her rapid, but rather skilled action made Conan blink. Still staring at the teenage girl who used to be a bit younger than him, but is now almost eleven years older, Conan recalled that even though she is a karate champion and all, she's still has weaknesses at the bottom of her heart.  
  
Ran turned back and looked at him, "Oh hi Conan, I didn't know you were there. But since you are here, why don't you check and see what else you want me to pack for you?" At that point, she went back to work.  
  
The boy gazed at her through the glasses of his. Luckily she was still busy packing, or there was no way he could hide the expression on his face from her. No, no way, no how. He had had enough of this, already.  
  
I wonder if I'm the only person in this world who has to filter everything he does, hide every one of his true feelings, actions and thoughts from the ones that he used to trust the most. How did this happen anyways? How did the situation get to this point? Just because of my little curiosity?  
  
"Thank you, Ran-neechan." He said; picking up one of his clothes laying on his bed, and helped Ran folded it, though in a messy way.  
  
Without even looking back at him, she replied, "What for?"  
  
"For everything. Everything you did for me last year." He said in a serious tone, Ran held back a smile. He's so cute; he almost sounded like an adult.  
  
Conan saw the smile on the edge of her mouth, and thought. Oh Ran, I really mean it! You don't know how much I appreciate the way you helped me, cared for me, and waited for me. the older me that is. There's no way I can ever thank you enough, for what you've done and gave up, all because of me.  
  
When Ran felt she was able to speak without showing any sign of laughter, she said softly, "You're very welcome, Conan-kun."  
  
Before he had the chance to say anything else, she continued, "You know. I'm really going to miss you. You've been like a real little brother to me and I can't believe it's been a year already. It seems like just yesterday I burst into Shinichi's house and saw you there."  
  
At that point, she paused.  
  
"Speaking of Shinichi."  
  
Ohhhhh no. "I'll miss you a lot too!" He said, changing the subject back to the previous one before she can go on.  
  
She smiled rather happily, "I'm glad you feel that way too. You don't know how much you meant to me in the past year, and I think I should really at least say thank you to you. After all, you are the one who cheered me up when I'm upset, and protected me from harm's way."  
  
Conan blushed slightly, and sat next to the suitcase. Then looked at Ran, who had just finished packing up his luggage.  
  
"So, should I help you with the luggage to the airport?" She said, sitting down right next to the little boy, whose eyes never left Ran's.  
  
He shook his head, "No, it's okay. Professor Agasa will pick it up for me later." He kept on looking into her eyes, almost looking through her mind. Keeping track of every single one of her expressions.  
  
Ran's heart sunk a little as Conan's words entered her eardrum. "Oh.Alright then." She tried to smile and brighten up the awkward atmosphere between them, and said in a sweeter voice, apparently a tone she would only use on kids. "So, Conan-kun, what do you want to do in the last hour here?"  
  
Conan rolled his eyes. "Um. Can I. I mean, do you mind. uh. just sit here and. talk to me?" He looked up back into her eyes again.  
  
Sit here and talk? Ran's eyes widened. B-but, I thought for sure he'd chose something like watch his favorite cartoon, or. or go down to the street and buy stuff. or even call his friends to come over. Just sit here and talk? She stared at him, unalarmed that he was gazing at her as well.  
  
"Ran-neechan? Why are you looking at me this way?" Conan asked softly, eyes still locked with Ran's.  
  
Her attention was then brought back to reality, "Hun? Oh, no, it's nothing. What do you want to talk about?" she smiled.  
  
Without thinking, words pop out of his mouth, "You." It was after the word was heard when he realized what he had said.  
  
"Me?" Ran recited his statement, apparently amazed.  
  
Conan wanted to change what he'd said, but decided against it. It was the truth, the thing that he did want to talk about, after all. "Yeah, Ran- neechan. Are you going to be. er. alright if I'm gone, and Shinichi- niichan's not back?"  
  
Ran smiled, but Conan saw the bitterness within, "Of course, I will be fine, Conan-kun. Surely, I will miss you a lot, and it's not like Shinichi's my boyf-f. um. it's not like he's that important to me. And who cares about that mystery-loving idiot? He just cares about his cases, nothing else! And he didn't even call me since."  
  
She paused at the moment she found herself saying something she shouldn't be saying to a seven-year-old boy. However, Conan thought her words were quite important to him, to both of him, younger one or older.  
  
"Are you sure you'll be fine?"  
  
She nodded, "I promise you."  
  
"Then promise me, you'll be happy, no matter what happens." He was serious; he needed her vow on this fact, considering that if she does not agree, he would never be able to reach the next step of his plan---The great analysis.  
  
I don't want to leave you, Ran, I really don't. I want to stay with you until I'm dead of my last breath, it hurts me just thinking about leaving you. If there was anything I would to give up to stay with you, I would do, but that thing. is you. and I can't.  
  
Still startled at the amazing words the first grader had said, Ran managed to reply eventually. "I promise."  
  
Conan smiled faintly back at her, giving her the last hint he can ever give her about why he'd asked.  
  
Maybe now is the time, to reveal all the concealed. Time to put a period on this story, and mark the end of our tale. His hands lay loosen on his laps, hands slowly formed into fists. His eyes stared fiercely at the wall in front of him. Hanging on it was a picture of him and Ran at Tropical Land.  
  
Open your mouth, move your tongue, and three words will settle this once for all! Just open. His mind commanded, again and again, but his body was not reacting to the authority. His eye was still stuck on the picture upon the wall.  
  
What's the point of telling her anyways? So what if she knows about the truth? Understands it and accepts it? There's nothing she can do to help make this situation better. Just look at her, a year ago, those bright smiles. Just because of you, Kudo Shinichi, that smile hadn't appear on her face again. You made her lose the joy of life; you made her life nothing more than miserable. And instead of taking the responsibility for this, you are leaving this mess for her to clean up.  
  
How pathetic, I accomplished nothing in my life except for making other people's live worse. I don't even deserve to die.  
  
Ran stacked his luggage by the door; she was silent, as well. What was she thinking about? Conan, or Shinichi? Either way, it was his liability to take care of.  
  
"What's wrong? Conan-kun? You are acting like if you want to look through the wall." Ran seated herself next to the little boy, and gently placed a warm hand on one of his shoulder. Apparently to her, he was still no more than a seven years old boy.  
  
Sad, is he? What a cute, and comforting little boy. I can't believe he's actually depressed because he's going home with his parents! Does he really like it here that much?  
  
Another thought rose up to his head, a cold quiver ran through his body. And there is still Ai. She's out there risking her life. that idiot.  
  
"Conan-kun!" Ran shook him slightly this time. But he still took no notice. He didn't feel her hand, nor did he hear her voice with the mixture of concern.  
  
What should I do? What is the solution to this case? For a minute, his mind was whirling with thoughts, but none of them was helpful to this typical situation. Perhaps it was only because he'd heard too many of things he couldn't handle in one day. Maybe he shouldn't do anything at all until tomorrow, or some time when he'd calm enough to understand himself.  
  
In that case, it was impossible. He had to leave this house, as soon as possible. The longer he stayed, the harder it will be for him to get used to the separation from Ran. All he needed to do now was to stand up onto his feet, face Ran, say good-bye, drag the luggage with him and walk down the stairs without a backward glance. Then he would go straight back to Agasa's house, and ask him to buy an air ticket to L.A., where his last hope lied.  
  
It was easy to think about the plan. but he was too scared to actually do it. If one thing went wrong, he might never clarify things with Ran.  
  
Ha, it almost sound like as if it was about time to pause the wheel of destiny, and see what prize you've won, or what you'd lost. He suddenly stopped, lips parted and gasped silently. "It's about time." Exactly what she said. could it be that. she knew this was going to happen. He quickly objected to that thought.  
  
He attempted to concentrate his courage and mind on the three words, which were almost impossible for him to say at the time. What's wrong with me? It's just three words! Only three! Why can't you just say it out loud? Why?  
  
".Ran-neechan." He begun word-by-word, syllable-by-syllable.  
  
"Conan-kun!" Unfortunately, Ran spoke at the same time he did, and yet overlapping his voice, obviously.  
  
As if someone or something was controlling him, Conan stopped and jerked his head up, looking into her twinkling eyes. He's seen it so many times before, but never had he seen the deep, secret, unfathomable world within. That mystery was the only one he wasn't able to solve, and somehow he knew he never would be able to.  
  
Stunned for no more than a few seconds, Conan grabbed the opportunity to continue. "Ran-neechan. I was hit on the head a year ago, and some tall men fed me a capsule and shoveled it down my throat by force. I wasn't able to escape and."  
  
It was too much. He'd done it. He'd really done it! Ran stared down at him with amazement, her emotions frozen. The only thing Conan could hear was her increasing heartbeat, or was it, possibly his own?  
  
He knew right at that moment, it as impossible to continue what he'd already started. Not if she's not going to be calm enough to handle this. Not if it'll bring her nothing except for more misery and worries. Besides, if he told her, she wouldn't let him go anyways.  
  
For an indefinite period of time, two eyes gazed into each other, both sparkling. Unaware that Ran's hand had fallen down his shoulder, and dropped down to the bed. Conan heard himself gulping. The heartbeat was still audible, getting louder and faster every second as they kept their sight on the other's.  
  
Trying to recall what he'd said just a minute ago, but he couldn't remember. What did he say? Did he really spill out everything he kept from her? No, that couldn't have been possible. Not in just a few sentences. But then, what did he say?  
  
". Hey, Ran-neechan, don't take it seriously! I was just kidding! Please calm down." He said, and feigned his trademark kawaii child grin. Reaching out for her hand and held it softly as he spoke.  
  
Her stiffened body eased a little, using her other freehand to put on top of Conan's. "Joke? It wasn't funny, Conan-kun! For a minute I thought you were."  
  
Swallowing all thoughts there were in his mind with one gulp, without even trying to understand what they were, he continued. "I'm sorry, Ran-neechan. I really am."  
  
Yes, Ran, I apologize. I can't tell you, I can't and I mustn't! This secret does not have the honor to screw up your life. As matter of fact, nothing does. You deserve nothing but happiness, after all those you've gone for me, I couldn't stand to just sit there and watch you sobbing out all your stress in the mid-night.  
  
Ran frowned, but still nodded. "That's alright, I suppose." She said, releasing the hand, which was much colder than his. She knew he tried to warm it up, but with his little strength, it could not do the task.  
  
"I guess I'd better go now." Conan quickly retrieved his hand and kept it to himself. Before he had the chance to jump off the bed, Ran caught him, and slowly helped him down to the floor. Quietly, she walked towards the door.  
  
Behind the glasses, his felt an urge of pressure rising upon his eyes, but he swallowed it away. Nothing other than a sigh came out of his mouth as he followed her. Then they, again, silently headed to the front door. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, both of them stared at the other awkwardly.  
  
Here's your last chance, Kudo Shinichi, your very last chance. If you are going to let it pass, there will never be a second chance. What are you going to do?  
  
Conan still wouldn't let go of her eyes; even let her out of his gaze for less than a second. He wanted to carve her image into his heart. Although he has plenty picture of her, this was different.  
  
Eventually, Ran couldn't stand it anymore. She released all the luggage in her hand, letting them drop onto the deep snow freely, and she took a step closer to Conan and fell to her knees, with one close look at his face, she seized him into a tight embrace.  
  
Though there was no way he could've seen her face, but he still felt tears trailing down her cheek. Her body was trembling as she tried to hold back the tears. Slowly, his arms wrapped around her, and held her closely. He wanted to cry, too. However, he didn't, for he knew, if he did, the situation would get nowhere.  
  
Snow slowly spread unevenly on their hair, and clothes. But for some reason, it wasn't cold at all. Ran was still over his shoulder, pouring all her feelings into the soundless cry. His hands awkwardly caressed her back, but gentle at the same time. He wanted her to feel his presence, his warmth and the protective spirit, for possibly the very last time.  
  
If there were anyway he could stop time, this would've been the perfect moment. He wanted to stay like this forever; being together was all he's asking for, but destiny still wouldn't satisfy his last wish.  
  
Nevertheless, things never went the way human wanted it to. Some time later, Ran pulled away, and sheepishly, she whispered, "Sorry, Conan-kun. I didn't mean to."  
  
"It's okay. Ran-neechan. I understand how you feel. It's alright." He comforted. Dusting away the snow on her shoulder gently with his little hands.  
  
Ran smiled faintly at him, standing back up at her feet. Her eyes shone with kindness and yet covered with a layer of tears. Her cheeks were reddened because of either the freezing weather, or her hot tears.  
  
Conan watched her carefully, afraid if he blinked she would be gone, and there will never be another chance to look at her, or even be with her ever again.  
  
"Remember to write to me often, okay? Conan-kun." Her hands rose to her eyes and wiped the tears aside.  
  
Conan nodded unwillingly, thinking that if he could write to her often, why would he be leaving her? "I will." He said with a voice below a whisper. Only the great listeners could've heard what he'd said.  
  
Surprisingly, Ran's smile widened. She was actually smiling at this desperate separation time! Growing weaker every second as the sound of the clock chime sounded from a house nearby, his body felt ever so frail, as if he was going to collapse onto the snow carpeted earth any second.  
  
Both of them knew one thing, if no more. This kind of situation had happened before, but why is it so different from last time? Indeed it wasn't exactly a real parent pick up half year ago, but it was the same that Conan was going to leave, wasn't it?  
  
Ran wondered, exactly what is the reason that her heart is aching so badly? As if something was twisting it, her hand reached his luggage, and lifted it up.  
  
She said with a sniff, "Well, I guess this is good bye."  
  
Exactly the two words I'm afraid to hear. Why does it have to be now? Can't I have at least just one more minute? As the chime slowly halted and echoed around the neighborhood, Conan weakly nodded his head. I hate you, destiny.  
  
  
  
"I'll miss you. Conan-kun." She whispered softly, halting at the point that she knew she couldn't continue on.  
  
Good-bye. Two words but meant the end for Conan's world. He had said this word over billions of times in his lifetime, but this time, he just couldn't make the sound of it. He didn't want to, or rather he was terrified to. Something in his heart sunk as he slowly turned away, head facing downwards, as if it can hide anything at all.  
  
Truth hurts. It really, really does.  
  
I've had enough of this. enough of life, destiny, and this whole entire world.  
  
Sheepishly he looked up at her again, this time, however, it was his eyes that were filled with tears. Tenderly, he smiled. "I have to go, Ran- neechan." In his smile, there were despair, abhorrence of life, and sincere apologies.  
  
Her lips moved a little, mouthing the word, "I know."  
  
Carving the image of his dearest friend deeply in his heart, memorize as much as his brain can of this moment, of her sweet voice, of her familiar figure, and more.  
  
Attempting to sound out three words, but yet again failed. He quickly turned away from her, dragged the luggage behind him and start running in the thick snow and heavy storm. Warm tears sparkled under the dim streetlight. Her body was trembling as she watched his shadow disappearing at the corner of the street. Leaving nothing but his footsteps behind, he was gone. Forever.  
  
She fell. weakly. with the colorless snow, and her heart melted along with it. The freezing temperature, the ever so strong breeze didn't matter, because her heart was already frozen.  
  
For Conan, it felt like thousands of bricks were aiming right at him, then fall down all at once. His world was destroyed; his story has now officially ended, this stormy night. There was nothing left in this world for him, except for more torture. He had lost everything, for all eternity.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
"Are you still there? Ran?" Shinichi asked.  
  
Her reply was followed by some soft sniffs, "Y-Yes."  
  
  
  
  
  
Starlit night above the roof lops  
  
I sit and think, what words could show you how I feel?  
  
Our happy times were they real? So I wonder  
  
  
  
  
  
He looked up at the half-opened window again, and there she was, gazing out as well. Just to hide the tears from her father, who would, most likely question her if he ever found out.  
  
Before he could make sounds of the words in his mind, she spoke up, "Will it make any sense to you if I ask where are you right now, and when you will be coming back?" Two questions that she would ask him almost every time he called, but coincidentally, the two sentences that he hated himself about.  
  
Shaking his head disappointedly, although there was no way she could've seen it from high above, "Afraid not, Ran."  
  
"Oh." Her head rose up to the sky level, looking intensely at the colorless sky.  
  
  
  
  
  
Shooting star falls as it to tell a happy end  
  
Will come because you're by my side always a smile  
  
But all the while, there's still one thing inside, that I cannot tell you  
  
  
  
  
  
"Shinichi." She called softly, "Do you believe in destiny?"  
  
Destiny.The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined. Otherwise the word that made Shinichi's heart broke into tiny pieces, and helped him understand the word of fate.  
  
For moments he kept silent, for there was no absolute answer that he could reply with. Does he believe in it? How can he, after what had happened to him? Or, how can he not? This is what people call destiny, right?  
  
How do you want me to answer this question, Ran? Truth that I am afraid to speak or lies that I am already tired of?  
  
"I don't know." He finally blurted out.  
  
She sniffed silently, whipping the tears away with the back of her hand, "So. How are you these days?"  
  
How am I? Probably the worst day of my entire life, if you want the truth, Ran. Do you know how hard I fought for the antidote, for my desire of being with you, and everything else. But. I can't tell you this, for many, many reasons, I can't tell you.  
  
The only thing I can do for you right now is to keep you from further harm, and more depression. Nothing else matters, except for you.  
  
He forced himself into a more cheerful tone, "As well as always." Such a pathetic lie, he thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
Secret of my heart, when I can ever start?  
  
Never any doubt, knowing how someday I'll say I love you  
  
It will shine on through, my love will shine out true  
  
Give a little time, I'm looking for a sign  
  
You know I'm waiting for my chance  
  
  
  
  
  
"Glad to hear that." How I wish I could say that confidently, like you, Shinichi, without you, my life has changed, almost completely. He could practically hear her mild sigh.  
  
Perhaps I should tell you everything, but maybe I shouldn't. I want you to understand the truth, but I also don't want it to hurt you. Tell me what I should do, tell me, God, Ran. Persuading his own thoughts, and confiding him, that resolution will come eventually.  
  
Conan looked up at the window once more. It took him lots of courage to walk back to this street after arriving at Agasa's house, and made sure that he was leaving to Los Angels the first thing tomorrow morning. The longer he stayed, the more desire his heart will produce to stay.  
  
Nevertheless, isn't it supposed to be a good thing that he had more time to spend with her, even if it is watching her from a fair distance?  
  
There were many variables about the present and future. One thing that made him wonder the most, was how he is even going to survive without Ran. They had been together, ever since childhood. As he recalled, the last time when he had to leave to USA alone for a month, they had missed each other terribly  
  
  
  
  
  
So quiet now, winds whisper true to me  
  
I feel a need, to scream out loud these things I feel  
  
Celebrate this love I can't reveal I can't show you  
  
  
  
  
  
"Is anything wrong, Shinichi? You seem awfully quiet today." Still, she notices about his unusualness.  
  
It was time, for truth.  
  
"No Ran. This is. actually the last time I will call you." He softly whispered.  
  
".What. What do you mean? The last time."  
  
He gulped silently. "This is the last time. After this, I will not be able to talk to you, or see you, ever again. It's not a joke, or a prank. It's the truth. I have to leave."  
  
He could hear her long breathe; her hands were shaking with the telephone in it. Her eyes were wide open, and yet unemotional. Without even realizing, the breeze suddenly got stronger, and snowflakes flew past by her face, however, she did not notice.  
  
Only one single word came out, ".why." She whispered.  
  
  
  
  
  
So here we are, together once again you seem to walk  
  
This little distance from my side your face it seems too sad  
  
I wonder what you hide I wanna be close to you  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why? Shinichi, why? Tell me." Tears started pouring out of her eyes. It was hard enough for her to just accept the fact that Conan was gone; another similar case would do nothing but drive her insane. Especially if it were the two people she cared the most.  
  
"Ran." He slowly started, soft and gentle. Making the final decision of whether to expose to her the truth, or keep her in the dark. "Sometimes.something is better not to know than know."  
  
She cried, "B-but. you have to give me at least an explanation of this, don't you? You won't imagine how bad this day has been for me. It's the worst day of my entire life, Shinichi. the worst." Her wrenched sobs got harder as she continued, "do you know that.Shinichi." There was the sound of her, collapsing to the window frame. Laying her head next to the window frame, her tears are now inescapable.  
  
She needed comfort, which he could not give, ever anymore. He knew clearly, that she needed an arm around her, and a shoulder to cry over. Unfortunately, this time, she had to find another way to let this pain pass her.  
  
Why do you always have to hurt the one you love the most? Why? He thought.  
  
Shinichi gazed at her with full tender affection, there were a huge urge of desire that he wanted to run up the stairs, dash into the room, and pull her into an embrace. You are beautiful, Ran, even when you are crying, even if I am just looking at you from the distance. You will forever be in the first place in my heart and soul.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Secret of my heart can you understand those parts  
  
Hidden far away, in a place I run to, doesn't everyone  
  
In my heart I know I must let our love grow  
  
I can't say why, I know that I must find a way to call out for my chance  
  
  
  
  
  
"I know it is, Ran. I know." He replied back as soon as he realized that he had been silent for more than a minute.  
  
Confused at his reply, she asked, "You know? But.how did you know that?"  
  
Moaning silently, "I'm a detective, no matter where I am, or what condition I am in."  
  
She smiled slightly; he was still the same Shinichi. However, before long, that smile was gone, and tears dropped again. "You are not ever going to change, are you?" It was a simple sentence with layers of hidden meaning.  
  
Not knowing how to reply, Shinichi kept silent. They both had realized, that sometimes, silence could be the best reply. The most important thing now is not what they are telling each other, but the feeling of having each other beside them. Treasuring every millisecond of this feeling, and saving it to the bottom of his heart, Conan still kept silent. There was nothing he wanted more, other than having this feeling of her.beside him. For he knew... It is the last time he have the chance.  
  
The wind was still blowing, and the night was getting quieter.  
  
  
  
  
  
Can I tell the truth? No words come to my mind  
  
They escape from my lips to the cloud above  
  
Feeling in my heart, I can't hide, I can't hide anymore, 'cause I love you  
  
I will be with you whenever you are can you feel my heart?  
  
  
  
  
  
I have to tell her. I have to. "Ran.I don't know how to explain to you about this. It's."  
  
For seconds, minutes, Shinichi heard nothing more than her faintly breath, and gusts of wind passing through her window. She's waiting, to hear more.  
  
"I'm sorry. But I can't. I can't tell you about this." He paused for a moment, and continued on. "I wish I could, but. It's too complicated."  
  
It wasn't her breath that's audible anymore, her wretched sob, and the sound of her mouth moving, trying to make a sound, yet failing.  
  
He calmed himself, "Ran. I don't want this to bring you any harm. Please, just. just forget about me, and go on with your life." At the moment he finished every word, an uneasy feeling shot through.  
  
"Forget about you?! Shinichi! I." Yet again Ran broke into a soundless cry. Conan leaned his back against glass window, closing his eyes as the phone within his hands suddenly felt as it just gained more weight. Everything felt heavier than ever, how long can I keep up with this. I wonder.  
  
The game of life is still in play. Things had to be done, no matter how long they wait. Pain would be caused anyhow; perhaps this was the cruelty part of this particular game. Umbrellas under everlasting snow passed the phone booth now and then. Watching other couples walking pass, under the same umbrella, some holding hands, and running towards a warm home. His heart cracked as the images went in his mind, a year ago. a decade ago.  
  
Just like the snowflakes, it gives all those who watch great pleasure. However, no one would ever remember one particular snowflake. They fall in groups, thousands, millions at the same time, and only last for a few seconds in one's eye. Soon they will be unnoticed, resting on the hard ground, where no one would look at for more than once. Conan gave a glance at the footprints in the snow. Even the innocent pure snow ends their life after the sun rises. More or less, the condition with him was somehow identical.  
  
  
  
  
  
Can't you see you're in my heart but things may break apart  
  
Maybe one day it's difficult to say how long two hearts can beat as one  
  
But I know now all the same no change will come unless I play the game  
  
I just wanna say, I think I might be ready baby  
  
  
  
  
  
"You'll find your true happiness, happiness of your own someday. I'm sure of that. So please. Don't give up your dreams because of me. Otherwise. I." After a slight pause, he went on. ". I will never. forgive myself. Ran."  
  
Silence.  
  
"And I. Will always be somewhere in this world. Wishing the best for you. But as long as you believe that I am still the same old Shinichi. Just. Think of me when you are depressed or lonesome. I'll be there. in your heart. guarding. because."  
  
More silence.  
  
"I'll always be there. and. we'll forever be together. that's my promise."  
  
"Sorry. Ran. I. have no other choice."  
  
This time Ran closed the window, and lights were shut down. Apparently Mouri Kogoro had gone upstairs to sleep; it was almost mid-night after all.  
  
  
  
"Shinichi." She slowly started, then went into a much faster speed, "I love you, more than anyone else in this world."  
  
Shocked to hear her words, Conan stood stunned, eyes widening. Never in his dream had he imagined she would ever say that to him. Thrilled, all Conan could think of was the echo of that phrase.  
  
No one knew how long the stillness was, nor how much this night means to them, except themselves. Shinichi considered repeatedly, gathering up his courage after each failure.  
  
"Ran, I.lo" A long beep sound ringed across both sides of the conversation. Both knew the money Shinichi deposited in for this conversation was all used up by now, and the connection was cut automatically.  
  
Holding the phone the way it was before it happened, million thoughts, words, he wanted to tell Ran came to mind. It was too late. Now.  
  
Everything. was over.  
  
Perhaps. He'd never have the chance to tell her those words.  
  
Conan placed the phone back, picked up his belongings, and opened the door to freezing world. Snowflakes stopped falling, Conan gazed up. At the ever- so familiar window, building. Then silently turned away, and went on his journey. He couldn't feel anything by now, not even pain. Even his heart was frozen, and breaking like ice.  
  
Words from heart remained as a secret, perhaps just like snow, it will melt, dissolve, and as time passes by, it disappears.  
  
While no one was noticing, the peaceful city fell deeply asleep. The heavy gray clouds slowly diffused. One tiny shining, sparkling star shone high above Conan's small body. Step by step, he shut his eyes, and let the tear flow out as he started running.  
  
Tomorrow.Will be a new day.  
  
  
  
  
  
Can't you see you're in my dreams I can't lose you baby, see?  
  
Everytime we meet everytime we're near boy, gives all meaning to my life  
  
Baby don't get down, someday I will come around  
  
Secret of my heart our future is forever  
  
  
  
  
  
-Owari-  
  
  
  
  
  
Conclusion  
  
Author's notes: Well. At last I've finished this story. Once again, I thank all of you who read through this. While I was writing this story, many unpredicted things happened to me, and the story outline was changed for many times due to this reason. I admit that this story is not 100% fiction. Many events and feelings in this story were based on true experiences. That's probably the reason why you found this fiction different from others. (smile)  
  
When I first started this story, I did plan to write a sequel to it. (Moments of Memory.) However when I finished this, I wondered if it's necessary to write it. (Considering all my editors are strongly against the idea of not writing it. I guess. I'll try.)  
  
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this. As you probably noticed, I did leave out many things untold. Imagine all you want for those mysteries, because anything is possible in this world. ^^  
  
Special thanks to all my dear kind editors, who helped me making this story better, thank you, thank you, and thank you!  
  
---ConanKudo - November 7th, 2002 (Edited in December 13th, 2002) 


End file.
